All alone

My family left to visit back home last Sunday. I drove them out to the airport in Chicago since the flights were much cheaper there compared to flying out from Lambert. We left around 9am and I didn’t get home until 3am Monday morning. Mind you, I had school in 5 hours. I was exhausted, I really didn’t want to go to school but I hate being behind on my school work. (I’m still behind somehow). I dozed off in some classes but I got myself back together.

Now that I’m all alone home, my two cats are also alone when I’m at school or work. I can’t help but feel guilty that I’m leaving them alone. I treat/think of them as if they are actually my kids. Another downfall, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO COOK. I’ve been living off Chik-FIl-A and Bread-Co for the past week. My bank account is very much done by now. whoops.

Don’t get my wrong, I enjoy my time alone, and I get it often because my family always go on vacations without me. It helps me focus and get things done but I do miss my family a lot when they are gone. Most kids my age, would do something cool when their parents are out of town but I’m the exact opposite. I like watching movies with my cats and falling asleep next to them. It brings me peace and happiness. Anyways, they come back next Tuesday, I’m pretty excited to see them but more importantly what they got me !!!!:))))

One step closer

I got my ACT score from the test in September. I expected to get lower than my last test score but I actually improved. I didn’t get to my goal but I am definitely closer. I was really excited to see that I went up. I’m going to start applying to colleges in October hopefully.

Speaking of colleges, I don’t know how to prepare myself to see a rejection letter (I’m assuming I’m going to get rejected from some colleges). I’m so sensitive when it comes to my school work, yet I still feel like I could try much harder. I’m afraid of failure and not doing good, so I really hope no college rejects me.

ALSO SPEAKING of failure, I completely bombed my math test today. Like BOMBED. It went horrible. The worst part is that, there’s a good chunk of freshman in my class who aced that test yet I’m a senior who can barley remember how to factor properly without looking back on her notes. I was thinking about dropping my math class to something my pace. But, I talked myself out of it since I only have three classes a day and I need to challenge myself a little bit. I feel stuck and confused, I thought it would get better as time goes by but I still feel stuck in school. I have a AP Psychology test tomorrow that I haven’t studied for at all, I keep procrastinating. Hopefully, I don’t fail this test and get myself back together.

math = evil

Ever since honors algebra 2 at Lindbergh, I knew math was definitely not my strong suit. I barley passed that class which is very rare, because I usually get all A’s or B’s. If it were up to me, I would not add letters with numbers. It just belong together but whatever I guess. I originally signed up for algebra 3 and trig for math this year but once I started touring colleges this summer, I realized that I might need to take a higher level math since I have to take calculus my first year in Pre-Med. I changed my math class to pre-calculus. MIND YOU, I HATE MATH!!!!! The first week went okay, besides when my teacher would walk by my seat and see my paper blank for when we had to do a problem on our own, whoops. Anyways, I got a 60% on my first math test, I cried but I think I’m okay now. My next test is tomorrow, and I haven’t studied at all. I hate me :))))

I’ve been on this one question for about an hour and I cannot figure it out for the life of me. Like why is this stuff so confusing, why is there so many steps, I don’t get it. I just hope this question isn’t on the test, because well.. it just won’t go well at all.

I changed my availability at work to no Sundays, just to do my homework but I totally didn’t today. I did go to the library for about two hours just to get my AP psychology homework done but then I went to festival down in the city with my friends, then BreadCo, then home, played with my cats. I’m just now starting on it, if you can’t tell, I’ll do just about anything but do what I need to. Maybe one day, I’ll get better.

I hate college

I don’t know where I’m going to end up honestly. All throughout grade school from what I remember, I knew Washington University is where I wanted to go. I just knew that was where I belonged. Me being me, I didn’t really put the work in because I thought I had time.. WELLLLL…. I realized that I wasn’t going to get accepted during my junior year, my ACT score was just horrible. I cry every time I look at it. I toured it during this previous summer and fell involve with the campus which made it even harder for me to let go of. I talked myself out of Wash U although I didn’t want to. I thought about Mizzou, I toured the campus. My family LOVED it but I didn’t so much because I was still upset about WU. My family talked me into liking Mizzou, so I did. I took the ACT twice after touring it, and it barley went up but I didn’t stress much because “everyone gets into mizzou.” yeah no. I’m at the point where I honestly don’t even think I’m getting accepted into Mizzou. Even if I do get in, it’s so expensive. I could take out loans but I’m really not trying to be in debt until I’m 50. I know I won’t get much scholarships, I just feel like I won’t. Anyways, this past weekend, I visited SIUe with my best friend. The campus was pretty boring but it would be pretty cool to go to college with my best friend, studying the same profession and did I mention it’s much cheaper!! I don’t know what I’m going to do, where I’m going to apply, I’m just LOST!!!! I want to cry but no it’ll be fine. I’m fine, it’s fine, everything is just fine 🙂