Yesterdays prompt

The question was how would you cope with the downs in your life or in the future basically. And right now, I feel like my life is constantly surrounded with negativity, rejection, failure, the list could go on and on. I don’t know how to cope with all of it and that’s my problem right now. I slept all day yesterday because I didn’t want to face any of my problems. I don’t know if it’s seniorits, or what. I ended my friendship with “has”. I just didn’t think it was worth being friends when I leave for college in less than a year. And honestly, I felt under appreciated every time I was around her. I just felt the need to end it and she didn’t mind at all which gave me another good reason that I was doing the right thing. And My grades are dropping so damn fast, I know I could do something to stop it but instead I decide to fall asleep. I’m so behind in every class besides this one. I haven’t applied for any scholarships, haven’t applied to the schools I really want because I fear getting rejected from somewhere I actually care about. I haven’t revised my college essay. I’m being so lazy and unproductive, and I can’t seem to fix it.
The thing is, I don’t know what the REAL problem is to even find a solution to help how I feel. I go through these weird phases where I cry about anything and everything and right now it’s happening. I cried during class because of the freaking example essays. It was touching, yes, but it’s not worth crying over. This happens almost every year, and I feel so unhappy but I’m happy. Does that make sense? No. I know. This is a bit off topic but what scares me the most is that I plan on pursing a career where people constantly die. I don’t know if I can handle all that death considering I cried over an essay. I knew I wanted to pursue medicine since I was very little and had no intention of ever changing that, I still don’t. I remember my mother’s oncology nurse, she was one of my favorite people to be around. She ended up quitting her job because she got so depressed from what she was doing. It’s not that she didn’t love what she was doing, but that it was too much to handle. What if that becomes me? What if I spend half of my life studying oncology just to find out I’m not strong enough for it or that I can’t put my feelings aside and get too attached to the patients.

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